


Late night stories

by Luci_A_Fucking_Satanic_Gay_Goose



Series: All shades of Green [16]
Category: Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (Webseries)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mentions of attempted suicide as well, Writing this felt so horrible to me and I'm sorry if I triggered anyone, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luci_A_Fucking_Satanic_Gay_Goose/pseuds/Luci_A_Fucking_Satanic_Gay_Goose
Summary: Listen to some light-heartening stories from your two favourites that'll make you question the truth and Shrignold's true intentions.
Relationships: Shrignold/Trauma
Series: All shades of Green [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732765
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Late night stories

**Author's Note:**

> This story does involve mentions of sexual assault but I do not go into detail, if I did that would fuck me up more than I already was writing this story. Also there are a fuck ton of spelling mistakes but I'm lazy so I can't be asked to edit it, I do have a solution for future stories though.

The darkness from the outside ate up the entire room apart from a small crack of light peeking through the door from the hallway, Manny was never a big fan of the dark and recently he had been hearing a voice next to him on his bedside table which only made him more anxious for the night. Luckily he had Lily right next to him who had become a comfort for him, like the sister he never had, he was there to protect her and that made him feel a little bit better, he was finally the hero of the story, a role he had desired for so long. The young girl was rolling around a little in her sleep, shivering gently as a nightmare started to taunt her, Manny could hear her small breaths become faster. He decided to wake her before it became a massive panic attack.

"Lily, wake up, it's only a nightmare," he whispered, shaking her to get her to wake.

It took a few shakes before her eyes finally snapped open and she sat up, only just missing Manny's head as she did so. She suddenly clutched onto him tight, her body shaking as she sobbed into his shoulder. He was a little startled by this, on the outside it looked as if the nightmare was barely affecting her at all but the way she was holding onto him for dear life suggests otherwise. He quickly returned the hug, holding onto her just as much to assure her that he was indeed real and not another figment of her torturous imagination.

"Shhh shhh, its okay, I'm here," he whispered.

"H-He was hitting me and then I c-couldn't breathe, I... I was so scared," she frantically murmured as she started to calm down.

Lily's sobs started to slow and she was soon able to talk without the slight stutter in her voice, she was calm enough to tell Manny what happened that made her cry this bad, he would be brave for her.

"What happened?" he asked, patting her back as he let her go.

As her story began to spill out through her little hiccups, Manny felt himself go pale, he couldn't believe what his ears were hearing...

************************************

**It was a beautiful day, a day where I could play with my best friends, the people who knew me best, my dollies and Manny, who had brought his toy cars along. I could feel the sun shining down on me, warming my face so it went a little pink, caressing my bare feet which were curled up in the soft grass, the greenest grass I had ever seen. The grass felt like comfy blankets and pillows all bunched together, sinking a little under my weight, I loved it so much and I wanted to roll around in it so bad. We had set up camp next to a serene cyan lake where dragonflies and newts resided, living their best lives. The sky was the prettiest blue I had ever seen, it reminded me of bubblegum ice cream melting together, delicious bubbly gum all mixing into one pool with bits of 99 ice cream floating through topped with the fluffiest cotton candy ever, a dessert I so desperately desired right now, something to top it all off and make it a perfect day. However I had my friends with me and I didn't need anything else to make me happy, I was my own ray of sunshine.**

**"So who have we got today?" Manny asked, smiling at the toys I had lined up.**

**"This cheery one is called Rocky, he's particularly excited for today," I said pointing at the small doll at the end on the row.**

**Rocky was the happiest of the bunch and always remained optimistic even when they were in dire situations. He liked to run around and charm people with his adorable, shining eyes. I loved his positivity.**

**"This is Finley, he's the smallest of the group but he does always come out on top during a rumble."**

**Finley was a farmer boy at heart and always enjoyed small pats on the head for his good work. He loved to have fun with his friends through rough housing and always won even though he was the smallest. I enjoyed being around him due to his never-ending range of games to play, you'd never get bored around him.**

**"This is Gabe, he's very quiet but he does open up after a while especially if you're taking about a topic he loves."**

**Gabe was a typical shy guy who preferred to hide away with his books and knowledge. He was nervous around new people but that anxiety would melt the minute he started talking. You could always have a nice conversation with him and he has so many interesting facts to tell you. I love his silence, it always speaks a thousand words.**

**"Tristan is the oldest and the nicest, he always has time to play games and read stories."**

**I loved Tristan a lot, he was one of my favourites and I always played games with him. He never had a nasty word to say and remained positive through any hardships, usually helping others through their own. He was big and strong and protected his family with all his might.**

**"Lucas is a bad boy on the outside but inside he is really caring, you just have to reach in and pull on his softer side until it surfaces."**

**Lucas was a rebel of sorts, always making trouble and held a gift of the gab more powerful than any I had heard before. This was his cheekier side but when you spent more time with him you could see right past that tough facade. He always liked to read stories with the younger ones and never minded a few hugs once in a while. I loved that softer side of him, he felt more approachable.**

**"Then we have Sid, he's the leader of the group and he guides them well."**

**Sid always gave good advice to those who needed it, he even gave advice when we didn't need it at the time. He was wise but also... scary.**

**"And this huggable bear is Markham!" I said, squeezing the large Teddy bear sitting next to me.**

**Markham was different to the others, while they were all small dolls Markham was a huge fluffy brown bear who was more quiet. He barely ever spoke and whenever he did they were in cryptic messages that I could never fully comprehend, only Sid could understand and even then his translations seemed wrong, I never questioned the great bear as he gave amazing huggles and radiated love, as if it all resonated within him, it was a little sickening sometimes.**

**"It's nice to meet you all," Manny said, waving at the dolls and bear.**

**"They're very happy to meet you too Manny, especially Sid," I smiled at all my friends happily, "should we begin then?"**

**"Of course," he replied grabbing a few of his small cars.**

**We started to play a normal game of house where the dolls all lived together in a massive mansion and they all had cars which they drove around as they went about their lives. It was fairly fun at first but soon I noticed that Manny getting bored, I knew the exact kind of game that he would love to play.**

**"I have another game that we can play," I said.**

**"Really? What is it?"**

**"Well first we have to find something dead... A fly perhaps," I looked around and noticed one buzzing around in the air. I quickly reached out and slapped it down with my hand, killing it instantly.**

**"There, now we place the dolls like this..."**

**I started by circling the Rocky, Finley, Gabe, Tristan, Lucas and Sid in a circle of sorts, a little ring. Then I put Markham at the from, watching their show, and I finally placed the fly in the middle, holding its frail dead body.**

**"Uhm, Lily, what is this game?" Manny looked at me in confusion.**

**"It's just a simple sacrifice to Markham, they all love it especially Sid," I replied.**

**"It's a simple what? A sacrifice! Lily are you sure we should be playing this?" he replied concern flooding his voice.**

**"Of course, its really fun," I said, "oh, there's one final detail I forgot to add."**

**"Whats that?" he asked.**

**"A drop of blood," I said,"only a drop."**

**"Lily... Don't help them."**

**"But I have to, it's what Sid wants!" I exclaimed.**

**I picked a bit of grass from the ground and held the edge to my finger and quickly slashed it across, cutting my skin open. A few beads of blood started to push their way out of the small wound, red as a ruby, thick as water that you could drown in. I let a bit more drip out before rubbing it over the fly.**

**"Time for the magic words..." I said.**

**"Stop! Please! Don't let them hurt you anymore! You're safe with me Lily," Manny shouted.**

**I looked up at him and saw tears in his eyes, tears of worry, tears of sadness, tears for me. I glanced back at the small ritual scene and suddenly felt no emotions other than disgust and anger. I felt Sid's disappointment, a strong feeling that slowly morphed and shaped itself into something different, something scarier.**

**"I'm sorry," I said, wiping his tears away, "I don't know what I was thinking. I guess it's just an instant jump to torture for me."**

**I chuckled with tears in my own eyes, I carefully rubbed at my eyes, managing to get blood on my cheek.**

**"Let's go home,"Manny said.**

**He stood up and held his hand out to me, I took it and he helped me up. We started to pick up the toys, ready to burn them all or throw them in the lake. I didn't even realise anything was missing until Manny mentioned it.**

**"Hey... Where's Sid gone?"**

**My breath hitched when I saw that one of the dolls had vanished completely, he was no where to be seen. Sid was the most dangerous.**

**"You disappoint me, Lily, you really do," a voice whispered in the my ear.**

**I spun round and saw Sid standing there, he had a grin on his face but I knew that he was mad at me. He leaned over me menacingly, staring at me deeply, his eyes wandering over my face and body. I was barely breathing as his face got closer to mine, I was so scared of him.**

**"I-I'm so sorry, Sid... I couldn't-"**

**"Couldn't do what exactly? Couldn't go through with it? Couldn't hurt a fucking fly?" Sid said, his expression changing into one of anger, "you're so pathetic."**

**"Shrignold no!" I cried.**

**Then suddenly he morphed into the butterfly, the same butterfly I feared every single day. Shrignold was absolutely enraged, so angry that his face had gone red. He turned to Manny and I knew that he was going to be next.**

**"You..." he said, "you little-"**

**I reacted quickly by scratching at his face hoping to distract him, it worked. He now glared at me, fire dancing in his eyes, ready to slice my throat open. I shivered in fear at the idea of that much blood and the pain. I tried to run but he grabbed hold of me before I could get far. I could see Manny about to attack but I knew Shrignold would over power him completely.**

**"Manny, run! Don't look back!" I shouted at him.**

**"But what about-!"**

**"No time to think about that, just go now! I'll be okay!"**

**He reluctantly sprinted away sobbing as he went. He need to get Harry and Robin so we could beat this butterfly together, then we could all go back to bed. However before I could scream at him to call for help, Shrignold covered my mouth and walked me over to the lake, the serene cyan lake which was now as red as my ruby-stoned blood.**

**"You're a failure! And I thought you'd make it all the way, you failed everyone!" he said, "time for your punishment!"**

**In a few mere moments my head was under the bloody water, held down by his hand which was gripping tight on the back of my neck. I couldn't breathe at all and I knew he wouldn't let me back up for a while, not until I learned my lesson. My lungs burned as the air trapped inside tried to make its way out my mouth and nose, however I forced it down and kept it in for as long as possible. I was hoping he would take pity on my and spare me even though I disrespected him.**

**Suddenly my head was lifted up out of the water, my hair was soaked and dripped dirty red blood onto the grass which was dying and going brown. Shrignold held me up to watch as this world fell apart, everything was shrivelling up into nothing, popping out of existence in a matter of seconds, the whole world was rocking back and forth and that motion was getting more and more violent.**

**"Any last words?" he said, lowering my head again.**

**I looked over and saw all my toys hugging the big Teddy bear Markham, he was protecting them all, why couldn't he protect me?**

**"Mar- Malcolm... Help me!" I called out to the bear, hoping he would save me from my watery fate. But no one came.**

**Shrignold laughed at my attempts to call for help, he found me useless.**

**"I knew I should've done this earlier..."**

**He then dunked my head back under the bloody water and just held it there. I managed to get a quick breath back before I went down but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it for long, my lungs couldn't take much more of this. The air escaped through my mouth and nose in small bubbles which rose to the surface of the water, all I could see was red and what looked like a few bodies at the bed of the lake, I didn't know who they were and I knew I'd be joining them soon.**

**"Now wake up, little Lily," a faint muffled voice said.**

**And I watched as my final air bubble rose up and popped before it reached the crumbling night sky.**  
************************************  
Manny was in shock at this nightmare, he couldn't believe such an innocent mind could have such torturous dreams like this. He knew Harry had his fair share of nightmares too even though he never liked to talk about them to anyone, Manny understood that they happened to people who had incredibly traumatic pasts. He had a few every now and then but since then they had dwindled down to maybe only one every couple of weeks, it confused him a lot because the teachers liked to hurt him the most but then again, that seemed to be more physical rather than mental.

Of course he was going to keep her safe from monsters while she slept, they were like siblings after all and siblings protected each other. He felt obliged to keep her close to make sure he didn't lose her again, it had only been 2 weeks when she was snatched from them the first time, he wasn't going to let them get their hands on her again.

"Lily, they can't hurt you anymore, I won't let them," he said as she clung onto him for more comfort.

"I know but what if they manage to find me, they know where you live and-"

"It's been a month since we escaped and they haven't shown their faces at all, maybe the others are keeping that butterfly from taking us," he replied.

"But Malcolm will kill them if they don't do what he wants!" she said in a hushed panic.

"He's a statue, he can't do anything. I know Shrignold made you believe he was a being of power but he was just being bloody ridiculous," Manny said, trying to comfort her the best he could.

It was the first time he had ever said anything close to a swear word and it gave him a sense of confidence, he was growing up, something that had apparently come to a halt a while ago when the show first began, things were changing, he just knew it.

"A S-statue?" Lily said in a shaky voice, "but every time I misbehaved I'd get punished, I was told that it was all Malcolm."

"Who told you that?"

She was silent, he guessed her answer instantly and felt a little bit of anger bloom inside him, the butterfly knew what he was doing and decided to use a statue to manipulate them all, it was disgusting.

"He wasn't always like that before though, Treeson told me so. He said that there were tutors before Shrignold, he was a student and he was so much nicer but... something changed one day. He was normal the day before the next he was different, he wouldn't talk about it at all, that's what I was told," she said.

Manny didn't understand what this had to do with anything but he had to admit that he was curious, what happened during that evening lesson to make Shrignold so bitter and sadistic? He knew he would never figure it out, nor would he hear it from the butterfly, he was never going near that thing ever again, he was certain of that.

"You're never going to see him again, he can't get to you anymore," he said, noticing that the girl had calmed down in the last few minutes, "you think you can go back to sleep now?"

She nodded, yawning and rubbing her eyes sleepily. Lily lay back down along with Manny and snuggled up to him, it usually helped her fall asleep and once he knew she was snoozing (indicated by her gentle snoring), he himself settled down and finally closed his eyes, letting his tiredness overtake him and send him into a deep sleep, they wouldn't be interrupted for hours now, right?

**********************************************

It was dark and cold in that room, blood that hadn't dried just yet dripped from the walls onto Shrignold's cheek, he tried to wipe it away but the ropes around his wrists held him back so he couldn't do anything about it. He sat in the corner of the room, pissed off and upset that it didn't work, this was his third attempt to take his life since the others in the cult had tied him up and left him in that room, unsure of what to do with him. Right now he was in his human form, for some unknown reason he couldn't turn into his insect form so he could escape the binds so he resorted to just killing himself as his chances of getting out were getting slim, however he either got caught or his attempts would fail. This time he tried to slit his wrists on one of the rocks sticking out of the wall but it was too high up and instead just cut his form arm, a bit of skin close to his elbow, the blood dripping from the wall was his own. Shrignold couldn't be bothered to try (and probably fail) again, he was too tired and had too much on his mind to try again, all he had right now was his own god damn thoughts.

Of course, his own thoughts were dangerous, reminders of a past he despised, reminders of a man who he was glad was dead, reminders of his own sinful deeds against Malcolm, sometimes he couldn't handle his own thoughts but before he always had someone to take it out on, this time he only had himself, his thoughts had him in their clutches. He hated that sense of control he was losing, the power he had over them all gone in an instant the minute they grew a pair and protected those two brats, he ALMOST had them, ALMOST. So here he was, tired and pissed off, alone in this cold room with a splash of suicidal blood on his cheek, what could be fucking better?

"Shrignold?"

He looked up and saw Treeson walk into the room with a plate of food. Since his second suicide attempt (which involved starving himself), someone had to sit in the room and watch him eat his food, making sure that he ate every last morsel, the first few times he would spit in it and refuse but soon when the idea of force feeding popped up, he obliged and started wolfing his meals down, he didn't want them to have control over him. Usually that someone would be Treeson because the others were still terrified of being alone with him but that made Shrignold hate his old friend more, he didn't like that he wasn't afraid of him even after all those years of using fear to his advantage, once again he was losing his power. He watched with glaring eyes as Treeson locked the door behind him, to really set his imprisonment in stone.

"I got you some food," he said, placing the plate of chicken and rice next to the butterfly's feet, "I'll untie you."

Treeson untied his friend, very aware of his movements just in case he tried to break free of the cell, Shrignold was a strong man and could easily fight back without hesitation and they didn't want him getting out and capturing the children again. Once the ropes loosened, Shrignold shrugged them off and stared at the food he had been given.

"I'm not hungry," he said, frowning at his meal.

"You need to eat, we don't want you starving anymore, you're stick thin," he replied, pushing the plate towards him, "eat."

The butterfly hesitantly grabbed the plate and started devouring the chicken and rice, Louis always had been a good cook, it all had been seasoned lightly and seemed to melt a little in the mouth, he couldn't resist a meal like this even if he wanted to.

"I still don't get why you're keeping me alive, you could be escaping right now but I'm the only thing holding you back," he murmered with a mouth full of food.

"That's what the others keep asking me, they wanted to leave you in here to rot but I told them no, still can't believe they listened," Treeson said.

"Is that so? I always knew they hated me enough to leave me for dead, what made you change your mind?" he sneered.

Treeson just watched him carefully for a few seconds before sighing and running a hand through his leafy green hair.

"Shrignold... I still see the old you in there, the boy I used to know. Sometimes I see that youth flash in your eyes for a single moment before they go cold again. I can't kill that possibility," he said.

"Possibility? What the fuck are you on about?"

"The possibility of you getting better. I know you're suffering but I don't know why and it's been eating at me since we were young lads, what changed?" he asked.

"Why the hell do you care now? You didn't mention it all those years ago," Shrignold hissed.

"All those years ago I thought it was a phase, we were both teenagers and phases are normal so I didn't think much of it," Treeson replied, feeling terrible for not stopping this behaviour earlier.

"That's bullshit," he laughed but his chuckles lacked actual humour or emotion, "phases are bullshit."

"I know that now, everything is bullshit if you think about it," he stopped himself before he got too off topic, "but seriously, what the hell happened to you? I've been worried for ages now."

Shrignold went quiet, feeling tears in his eyes, tears that made him feel anger, anger that made him lash out.

"It happened so long ago why the fuck am I crying?!" he shouted, covering his face to hide himself from the world.

"What happened?"

He once again went quiet, unable to speak about it without a feeling of safety, he just wanted to be safe.

"Was it Roger?"

He slowly nodded, shivering at the mention of his name. Roger, Mr Pole, the old tutor of theirs who taught them the beliefs of their religion, who taught them of King Malcolm. It had been years since he died and Shrignold still felt spite towards the man who he had once thought of as a father, a person who took him in when he was weak and defenseless only to take advantage of that later on when he was only 15 years old, 10 years later and he had never forgotten, the memories almost strangling him with an emotion he hated.

"That bastard... What did he do to you?" Treeson looked genuinely angry and Shrignold saw his old friend once more, the one who used to protect him during thunderstorms or when a ritual would begin, a friend he missed.

"H-He... I can't, I c-can't say," he stuttered, trying to hold back his heaving sobs.

"Why not? Why can't you say?" his friend asked gently, wrapping his arms around the butterfly.

"Because..." he couldn't say much more, he didn't want to speak ill of the King so he instead pointed with a shaky hand to a portrait of Malcolm that he himself had painted a while back.

"Malcolm? Malcolm can't hurt you Shrignold, he's gone now," Treeson whispered.

"I k-know but-"

"No buts, you have me to talk to, no one is listening to this, you're safe," he reassured him.

After a slight pause, Shrignold nodded.

"Okay, I'll tell you," he muttered.

As his story began to spill out through little hiccups, Treeson felt himself go pale, he couldn't believe what his ears were hearing...

************************************

_It was a quiet evening, everyone was either playing quietly or had already retired to bed. Not me though, I was getting ready for my evening lesson with Mr Pole, a lesson that would change my life for good, just not in the way I thought it would. I remember looking out of the window in my room and watching the sun set, watched the sky melt together with their pinks, yellows, gold and purples, it was beautiful. However I didn't have time to dawdle, I had to get to Roger before 8:30 otherwise I'd get in trouble for being late and I didn't want that._

_I straightened my little blue bowtie and glanced at my reflection in the mirror, did I look smart enough? I wasn't exactly sure, I was a neat freak after all and always felt the need to keep things tidy, a small speck of dust drove me absolutely mad, a glass without a coaster was just so rage-inducing to me, I think it annoyed everyone else sometimes. I frowned when I saw that an annoying curl had tumbled down onto my forehead, it never liked to stay put, I quickly slicked it back into place, making sure it stayed there before turning to leave. As I was about to open the door, Treeson, my best friend since day one in this place, entered, almost hitting my foot with the door._

_"Ah! Be careful!" I exclaimed as I hopped back to avoid it._

_"Sorry, man, didn't know you were there," he replied, checking himself in the mirror before flopping down onto his bed, "you gonna see Roger then?"_

_"Yeah, this is a sort of trial lesson to see if it's worth our time, if everything works out I'll be seeing him twice a week," I replied, picking up my jacket from the back of my chair._

_"How long will you be gone then?" he asked._

_"A couple of hours maybe, he hasn't exactly told me how long they'll last," I put my jacket on, nervous but excited to go._

_"That's cool, what are you learning about anyways?"_

_"The process of common rituals as a sort of starter, perhaps going in depth with more idealistic ones later on... Oh and sacrifice to Lord Malcolm," I answered._

_"Rituals huh? Maybe that'll help you man up a little every Sunday," Treeson said jokingly._

_"I'm not scared of them, I just get overwhelmed," I replied in an annoyed tone._

_"So overwhelmed that you have to cling onto me whenever you see the smallest drop of blood? Yeah, right," he laughed._

_"Shut up," I mumbled, looking down at my feet anxiously._

_"Hey, I was only joking, you'll do just fine," he said, getting up and lifting my chin so I was looking at him._

_"So how do I look?" I asked._

_"You look absolutely ravishing but..." he paused then reached out and pulled that god forsaken curl back down my forehead._

_"Ugh, I've been trying to fix that for ages now, why did you do that?" I sighed, going to place it back but he stopped me._

_"You looked too uptight without it, remember it's only Roger you're seeing," he replied, "you look better with it anyways."_

_My face flushed pink as he let me go, giving my nose a little pinch as he went. I pressed my palm against my cheek, it felt nice and warm, and started grinning like an idiot even though a sense of dread that had been lingering in the air was starting to settle on me, it felt like foreshadowing. However, I ignored it, brushed it off like it was nothing, splashed my face with water to cool it down and walked to the door, still feeling a little nervous._

_"I'll see you later," I said, flashing him a weak smile._

_"See you, Shriggy, you're gonna do great!" Treeson called after me._

_Shriggy_ _, it was a silly nickname he liked to give me, one that brought me a little comfort whenever I was nervous_ _and it made me appreciate my friend a little bit more. We both met in this very place and had stuck together since then and I must admit that he made me feel special but that was probably because I barely get compliments and I took any that I_ _received, he always complimented me as well._

_I walked down the hallway and up the stairs, being met with a rather large door leading to Roger Pole's quarters, I knocked on it and waited patiently for a response, it didn't take long for one to come._

_"You can come in, Shrignold," I heard his muffled voice on the other side._

_I swallowed back my fears and let myself in, it was only old Roger, what harm could he do?_

_"Ah,_ _how lovely it is to see you, come and sit," he said as I walked in, gesturing to a seat by his fireplace._

_"It's good to be here," I replied, sitting down and getting comfortable._

_I had never been in his living quarters before and oh my, it was very spacious, now I understand why he didn't leave that much. Roger was in his fifties, he had been living in this house since he was a young boy and had made it his home and a home for many_ _others_ _, he welcomed those in need just like me after I had been left in a nearby forest at the age of 9 and taken in by the old man._

_His_ _quarters were nicely decorated making the whole room feel warm and cozy,_ _with pictures of the elders and the younger ones hung up on the walls, a large portrait of Malcolm over the mantlepiece which was covered in little trinkets such as china cups, sea shells and more photos of people I hadn't even seen before. It felt like nans old home, maybe that's way drew me to it a little. The carpets looked very old and held a musty smell that felt so familiar to me, the wallpapers were a creamish colour and had flowers decorating it in little bouquets that were painted on with care, I took in the details with admiration, they looked so beautiful._

_"So how are you, my boy?" he asked me._

_"I am doing well sir," I answered._

_"No need to call me sir, Roger will do," he said, sitting down in a seat close to mine._

_"Okay... Roger," I replied._

_It was a habit that didn't leave easily, Mr Pole was referred to as many things but whenever I was face to face with him I always called him sir, I couldn't break it anytime soon._

_"So you're here to learn about rituals, huh? What made you so interested in them I'm the first place?" Roger said._

_"When I grow up I want to become a mentor just like you and I believe that I must learn the basics if I want to kick-start that career," I answered honestly, "you've inspired me quite a bit."_

_"Ah you flatter me," he said, "well I can teach you the basics, pass me that book."_

_He pointed at a book that was sticking out of a bookshelf next to me, it was rather big and had a worn leather cover, I pulled it out and handed it to him. He took it from me and opened it up, carefully lifting each yellowing page up after glancing over the words, then came to a halt somewhere in the middle._

_"I've been collecting information on different rituals for years now and they're all in this little book right here," he said, "now some aren't for the faint hearted, think you can handle it?"_

_"Of course, it's information that will help me with our cause, I want to carry that knowledge," I said._

_"Right then, I'll teach you a few of the more simple ones, that should take us to about nine, then we can get into some depth of the more serious stuff," Roger put the book on the table so I could see what had been written on the delicate pages._

_"Sounds good," I smiled, ready to learn._

_"Good lad," he smiled back._

_And so for the next few hours we discussed a few rituals together, simplistic stuff really, self-flagellation practiced by a small percentage of Shi'a Muslims, impaling, dancing with the dead (or as Roger called it "The Coffin Dance"), all of which were incredibly interesting. One of the more brutal methods was an ancient Japanese method of suicide, known as hara-kiri, where the participants would slice their stomachs and turn the blade upwards, that one made my stomach turn a little but I kept a brave face as he described it in excruciating detail._

_It was starting to get dark outside, the sun was slowly disappearing behind the tree line and I knew that everyone else would be retiring to bed by_ _now_ _, however Roger didn't show signs of rounding up the lesson any time soon_ _, not that I minded really, I was willing to stay longer if he wanted me to, the fire he had lit about 20 minutes prior felt nice anyways_.

_"So how are you feeling about what we've learnt so far?" he asked me._

_"I understand it all," I said._

_"Good, now it's time to talk about a more serious ritual, one that hasn't been practised in this household before," Roger closed the book and looked me right in the eyes, "come over here, my boy."_

_I was a little taken a back by this but obliged and sat in the seat next to him, unsure of what to say really, I just wanted to get this final ritual over and done with so I could go to bed because I was starting to get tired. Once again he stared me right in the eyes, that's when I knew this was more serious, I also felt a little uncomfortable with the hand he had placed on my leg, I didn't want to be touched and it seemed like he was trying to break a boundary. However I kept my mouth closed and didn't say anything about it._

_"This ritual is so important, that we're going to practice it here tonight," Roger said, not looking away from me._

_That really gathered my interest, how was it so important? And why were we going to practice it? Surely that could be saved for a different lesson._

_"What is it?" I asked him._

_"Well..." then when his hand moved up my leg and started to touch me... there._

_I was, of course, in a bit of shock, why was he touching me? What was that going to do for the ritual?_

_"You see this next ritual is one of importance as it helps two people show their love for King Malcolm through a more... intimate exchange, you wouldn't want to defy Malcolm, would you?" he replied._

_"N-No," I stuttered, feeling absolutely terrified._

_"Good, it's what he would want, let's get started then and don't worry, I'll give you instructions on what to do..."_

_**I hate remembering this bit** _

_When I walked out of that room about an hour later I was horrified by the things I had done, they all left a bad taste in my mouth, one because I did obscene things with my mouth and two because that feeling of foreshadowing felt just as bad as ever and that's when I knew that I shouldn't have gone to that lesson, I couldn't stop going however, he said he wanted to do this again... And again... And again. I-I didn't want to do that! But I felt like I had no choice, like he said it was what Malcolm would've wanted and I can't go against my savior._

_I silently trudged back to my room still in absolute shock, disgusted with myself for doing those things. I knew that doing... that before marriage was forbidden but with another man? I'd be smited before I could even see the light of day, I knew that for a fact. Mr Pole is my mentor as well, why isn't he following the practices he taught us?_

_I'm fairly sure no one is awake now, I hope Treeson isn't, I don't think I can bear to see his face, hear his voice, it was all too painful for me. I just wanted to take a shower, get the feeling of his hands off me, I needed the feeling of cleanliness once more. I rushed back to the room to grab my pyjamas and some of my stuff so I could clean myself. I opened the door quietly, praying he was asleep but he wasn't, he was sitting on his bed just waiting for me._

_"Shrignold! You're back!" he said, running up to hug me, "I thought something happened."_

_Just as his arms wrapped around me the thought of Roger popped back into my head and I found myself promptly pushing my friend away from me in a sort of fight or flight response, I didn't want ANYONE touching me. To hide the tears that were creeping into my eyes, I started gathering a few things together as he watched me in confusion._

_"How did it go?" Treeson asked._

_"It was fine," I replied bluntly, hoping he'd leave me at that._

_"Are you sure? You seem very-" he said but I quickly cut him off._

_"I said it was fine!"_

_"I-If you say so," he replied, turning away and getting back into his bed._

_"I'm gonna go have a shower," I said, picking the rest of my stuff up._

_I slammed the door shut behind me before he could say anything else, wiping away a few stray tears with my shirt sleeve as it closed on his words, I didn't need to hear it anyways. I headed to the bathroom on our_ _floor_ , _trying not_ _to think about everything all at once, it was overwhelming me. As I entered the room, the emotions finally washed over me and I found myself uncontrollably sobbing as I fumbled about, trying to turn the shower on. When I finally managed to turn the water on, I wearily stripped down, feeling terribly embarrassed, covered myself up a little and hopped in, letting the water gently sprinkle over me in an attempt to calm me down just a little bit, it didn't work. I got to work swiftly, scrubbing every bit of my body clean, making sure all the places his hands went weren't feeling at all anymore, my skin was red and raw when I was finished but the pain was good._

_I curled up into a small ball on the floor of the shower and cried some more, my emotions overwhelming me so much that I couldn't breathe. As much as I wanted to tell someone, I couldn't, I'd be shamed by the others for having sexual intercourse with another man and I'd be defying Malcolm's orders of keeping quiet, for that I would suffer. I felt so lonely, so horrible, I felt too much. I angrily wiped my tears away and turn the shower off, wrapping a towel around me to cover my whole body and my shame, then got dressed into my pyjamas, wishing them to bring me some comfort but they failed. I then brushed my teeth to get the horrible taste out of my mouth, brushing so hard that my gums and tongue bled. I stared at my empty husk of a reflection in the mirror and saw how pale I looked, my blueish-green face was now almost as white as a sheet of you ignored the red splotches I had scratched on during my thorough cleaning. My eyes were same shade of red due to all the tears, blood-shot and tired, the veins in them standing out from their white base. I splashed more water on my face to see if that would do anything, it did bring my heat down a little but all together it was useless attempt to fix things once more,_ _at that point I was out of choices._

_I just grabbed my old clothes, threw them in the bin outside and went back to my room, just wanting to sleep. I couldn't tell if Treeson was asleep and part of me wished he wasn't, I wanted him to demand answers from me and I wanted to tell him. I was just waiting for him to sit up and ask me what was wrong but he didn't and a sense of bitterness passed through me when I realised he was never gonna ask, I had already pushed him away, literally and figuratively. I just lay alone in my bed, with my own dangerous thoughts and the what-if's to taunt and torment me._  
_************************************_  
_This continued for weeks afterwards, I'd go for my lessons every two days and I'd have to do the same ritual over and over again. On one day we'd have sexual intercourse, on the other he'd teach and ask me how I felt about my subjects, I wasn't sure if he genuinely cared about how I felt or if he just wanted to make sure he wasn't breaking his toy. It's not like I was the only one doing things to him, he played just as big a part as I did, pleasuring me even though he could tell I didn't want it, it wasn't like he cared though._

_I found that I soon grew distant from everyone in the house, including my best friend Treeson, which broke my heart. I just didn't want to accidentally let it slip. Instead I buried myself in my work, concentrated on becoming a mentor and replace Old Pole. No one questioned it but of course had their suspicions, luckily none of them landed on the truth and I was safe once more._

_I always lay awake at night thinking_

_'When's the old bastard going to croak?'_  
************************************

Shrignold anxiously looked up at Treeson after burying his head in knees, he didn't know what his friend we going to say at all and was starting to think he should've kept his mouth shut.

"Shrignold..." he said, "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter, he's dead anyways and it's all over," he replied bitterly.

"That's not the point, you've been holding this weight for years now, did he ever stop?"

"Not until he was in his deathbed," Shrignold remembered feeling relief when he heard that Roger had fallen ill in recent weeks, it was like everything was finally coming together.

"2 years?! He raped you for 2 years?!" Treeson was in absolute shock.

"Like I said it doesn't matter, it's been 10 years since the first time, I was 15, an impressionable idiot."

"Shrignold, I may only be 3 years old than you but I know a lot about this world, maybe even more than you. None of this was your fault," he replied, "he manipulated you and threatened you, he took advantage of you."

"Why aren't you angry at me?" he suddenly asked.

"Why would I be angry at you?"

"I had sex with a man, that's against everything we've ever been told!" Shrignold exclaimed.

"It wasn't your choice at all, he assaulted you and that is not your fault," Treeson explained.

"But it was still a man and... I don't know, I think I liked it," he blurted out, hiding his face again.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I-I hated what he did to me, I didn't want that at all but that didn't stop me from also liking it just a little," he felt so embarrassed by this confession but it was the truth.

"You liked that it was a man?" his friend asked.

Shrignold nodded and hated himself for admitting it, it was something he tried to dismiss every single day but he knew that the idea of it made him melt just a little.

"That's absolutely fine, it's just not okay if you don't give consent," Treeson hugged his friend, "if you like men then I have no problem at all, love is still love."

"It just feels wrong," he responded.

"That may be because the only sexual experience you've had with a man was against your will, it takes time to over come it all but I'm here with you," his friend held onto him tight.

"O-Okay," he stuttered.

"I still can't believe you kept quiet for ten years."

"I was s-scared."

"Well you're safe now, I'm your best friend and always will be," Treeson said.

"Of course, I'm safe now," Shrignold echoed those words, letting them sink in.

That's when it dawned on him that all those years ago when he was a teenager, he had a little crush on his old friend, he just never acknowledged that feeling as it seemed to just be appreciation to his young mind, appreciation for all those compliments that made him blush. However he had grown out of that crush over the years and only saw Treeson as his best friend since day one who will stick with him forever.

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"Your welcome, Shrignold," he replied.

So what if he was gay? So what if Malcolm didn't like that? He didn't seem to stop it all those years ago, maybe his power wasn't real at all and it was a figment of everyone's simple imaginations. Maybe all those lessons were for nothing in particular and he risked and lost his own innocence for nothing, Roger had been feeding them lies to pass on this fake religion and spread it to even more feeble young minds who couldn't think for themselves.

He didn't really know But Shrignold knew that in those few moments he felt relief, relief that he had felt happiness and he knew that this feeling would be sticking around for a while now.  
  



End file.
